I lay there until his breathing evens out, waiting, counting the seconds. What we shared was intense. I felt things I should never feel for someone like him. As brave as I tried to be before, I’m terrified now. I meant what I said, his celebrity doesn’t truly matter to me. I’m not chasing a relationship with a star. I start to laugh and stop myself, listening again to Charlie’s breathing. He stirs only enough to roll towards me, his arm reaching out to once again pull me close. I am his little spoon, my head laying on his arm while his other arm drapes across my waist possessively. This feels so right, and yet, my mind wanders into thought again.
I haven’t been looking for any relationship at all. My last one ended badly and resulted in my moving across the world to escape him. It’s left me reluctant to even think about opening myself up again, yet here I am, feeling things, for Charlie, after just meeting him. Was it an act on his part? This tenderness, the openness I saw? Would it be a mistake to allow myself to explore my emotions toward him? Would he reciprocate? Doubt creeps into my mind. I need to keep this where it belongs, a one-night stand with an incredible man. I likely would never see him again after this. I don’t move in his circles. Oh, sure, there’s Ben, but that’s a job. It was only by chance that I accepted his invitation to his party tonight.
Fuck. I don’t have any other clothes to wear home. What time is it? I really don’t want to be seen doing the walk of shame back to my flat. I also don’t need to be seen leaving Tom’s home. The fandom would tear me apart for that. It doesn’t matter that he wasn’t here when I arrived. He may be home now. I need to get out of here as quietly as I can and hope no one is watching.
Charlie’s breathing is still even, deep. I slowly lift his arm from my waist and scoot from underneath it. I move my pillow under it before lowering it down. He continues to sleep and I breathe a sigh of relief. Now to find my clothes and make my escape.
Boots in hand, I tiptoe to the bedroom door, taking one last look at his sleeping form. I think about leaving him a note, but what would I say? ‘thanks for the soul-shattering shag, but I can’t face public scrutiny in the morning and lurking paparazzi might out my location to my ex’? Yeah, no. It’s been a great deal of luck that no one has linked me to Ben yet, that and Ben’s ever creative disguises to get me into his house. I smile at that thought then sigh at what might have been with Charlie. I turn the knob and let myself out, finding my way back to the garden door. I slip through the garden, pausing by the gate to slip on my boots. I glance at the house and swear I see a curtain drop into place, but no one emerges to ask me what I’m doing. Probably my imagination.
I quickly make my way through the streets to the tube. I have this constant feeling of being watched, but every time I look, no one is there. My phone says 5am. I grab the Northern Line and get off at Camden Town Station. It’s a short walk home from there. I sigh with relief once my door is closed and locked behind me, that itchy feeling of someone being just out of sight finally leaves me, even though I was on an empty subway car and no one else got off at my stop. I shake my head and tell myself to get a grip. I toss my keys in the bowl on my small entry table then sit down to strip off the boots and the rest of my costume. I drape it across the couch, vowing to get it cleaned before returning it to Ben.
I flick on the bathroom light and reach into the shower to turn on the water. While waiting for it to heat up, I see myself in the mirror. I notice small marks all over my body, testaments to what I shared with Charlie. I smile and step into the shower, remembering his hands, his mouth. My hands trace the path of his kisses, lingering on each love bite, reliving the sensations as I stand under the hot stream of water. I press my forehead to the cool tiles, asking myself what I’m doing, lingering over someone who will probably be relieved I saw myself out, someone who wouldn’t give me a second thought. I quickly shower, scrubbing the scent of him and our lovemaking away. As I turn off the taps, I hear my phone chime from where I left it in the living room. I dry myself off, wrapping the towel around my hair, and pad to retrieve my phone.
I have 3 missed messages from an unknown number, and a voicemail from Ben. I open Ben’s up first, “Lyra, call me when you get this. We just want to know you’re safe.” I’m honestly confused by his message. I may not have said goodbye before leaving the party, but if he were concerned about that, wouldn’t he have called me before… I look at the time of his message… 5:35 am? Why now? I type out “Sorry I left early. I’m OK. I had fun, thx for inviting me,” then press send. Two seconds later, my phone rings. “Ben? What’s wron…”
“Lyra! Thank God you’re alright! What were you thinking leaving without telling anyone?”
“Ben, calm down. I’m fine. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye to you. I was a bit preoccupied…”
“I’m not talking about me, although I’m a lot closer to Tom’s than your place. Why didn’t you come back here for a ride?”
I’m confused. My sleep-deprived brain isn’t following his train of thought. “I’m sorry, Tom’s place? How do you know about Tom’s?” My brain finally starts to wake up and track. Oh, shit. Charlie. “Ben, I am truly sorry. I had no idea Charlie would come to you.”
“You snuck out of the house, in the dark hours of the morning, alone, instead of… Christ, Lyra, what if something had happened to you?”
Ben was seriously upset with me. I had kind of hoped Ben wouldn’t have to know I hooked up with his friend. I remember the three texts I haven’t looked at and take a quick peek.
“Ben, did you give Charlie my number?”
“Of course I did. He wouldn’t tell me what it was about, but he kept saying he had to find you and make sure you were home safely. He wouldn’t leave until I gave him your address, too. He’s on the way over there.”
Fuck
I take a closer look at those messages.
Message1: Why did you leave? I was looking forward to seeing you in the morning.
Message 2: Did I do something wrong? I could have driven you home.
Message 3: I’m coming over. I have to make sure you’re safe.
